Stupid Signs at the YMCA
by John Lawrence, September 11, 2018
I often wonder who comes up with the stupid signs I see at the YMCA where I swim and work out. For instance, "bring the weights to the floor in a controlled manner." Talk about stilted language! The adjective stilted describes something—usually a style of writing or speaking—that is unnaturally formal. Imagine someone walking awkwardly on a pair of stilts and you have a good impression of the word stilted — wooden and stiff. They could have just said, "Don't drop the weights on the floor" or "Don't drop weights on the floor, dummy." That would have been simpler and better. As John Steinbeck once said about writing style, "Just say it like it is. Don't try to dress it up." His example was, "I looked at the dog. The dog looked at me."
The next one that drives me crazy: "This machine is out of service. Staff is working on a timeline to get it repaired. We apologize for the inconvenience." Staff is working on a timeline? How many hours does it take for staff to develop a timeline? And then how many hours does it take for staff to implement the timeline. And then how many hours after the timeline is established does it take for someone to pick up the phone and call the repair person? They could have just said, "This machine is out of service. We'll get it repaired ASAP." And they don't have to apologize for the inconvenience. Talk about a gratuitous apology. Did "staff" break the machine? Then an apology might have been in order. Otherwise "staff" doesn't need to apologize.
The next one is a doozy. There's a poster that's sort of a promo for the Y which says among other things, "Our children have been presented with activities that they wouldn't have been able to do because of cost." Presented with activities? Why not just simply say, "Our children have been able to take advantage of reasonably priced YMCA programs." Then there's the sign in the locker room that says "In the last month our community has experienced an increased amount of thefts." It's been there for 6 months. Then there's the sign on some lockers that reads "This lock will be cut in 24 hours." Only days later the sign is still there.
The other thing that bugs me is that the "welcoming" person, the one who makes sure you have a legitimate Y card, is also tasked with being the "send off" person so they are supposed to tell you to have a good day on the way out. This is entirely superfluous. They are usually talking to another "staff" member and, when you're already past them, they say "Hagaday" to your back. It reminds me of my friend Morty who went to the bank and told the teller, "Don't tell me to have a good day when I leave here."
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