Why Do We Need All These People to Rubber Stamp Election Results?
by John Lawrence, December 23, 2020
If Dr Seuss were alive, he might write a book, "Oh, the Votes We Can See." Run the Star Belly Sneetches through the voting machine and they come out with certified votes on their bellies. Run the Sneetches without stars on their bellies through the voting machine and they uncertify the votes. This is nonsense. The US electoral system is nonsense. Why do we need a four member board in Michigan to certify a vote? Why do we need to send a board of electors whose whole purpose is just to rubber stamp the electoral votes that have already been decided? Layers of lawyers are going to sue Star Belly Sneetches to change their stars from Biden to Trump. Other layers of lawyers will sue to get the Sneetches without stars on their bellies to put a Biden on their belly. Meanwhile Joe Biden is Bidin' his time.This is all ridiculous. The United States of Ridiculousness that can't even modernize its election system from the time when electors at least had to ride their horses to Washington with election results.
I think the electors should have to ride horses to Washington, and once there they could be put up in the Trump hotel where they would be coddled and catered to in order to persuade them to cast their electoral vote for Trump. Biden could put up his electors at the Notel Motel where they would get a continental breakfast and a promise of a better job if they cast their vote for Biden. Star Belly Sneetches would pull up their horses outside the Trump hotel and Sneetches without stars could pull up their donkeys at the Notel. Star Belly Sneetches would dine on filet mignon and chant "USA USA" while Sneetches without stars would dine on bologna sandwiches and chant "Black Lives Matter." All the layers of lawyers for both sides would be invited either to the White House for a convocation or to Greene Memorial Stadium for a pep rally. The purpose of these rallies would be to get the electors either to cast their electoral vote for Trump or for Biden irregardless of whether they had a star on their bellies or not.
On the designated day the electors would gather at Union Station to cast their electoral votes except for a last minute challenge in court by the layers of lawyers who want a revote, a recount, a reaudit and a recertification. Hold the phone folks. We must ascertain whether or not there were enough eyeballs on the volunteers who counted the votes. They will be challenged in court because it is alleged that they don't know how to count. Their arithmetical skills must be recertified. One by one they must come before a judge and count from one to a hundred and then do it backwards. If they can't accomplish this simple test, they will be required to go back to the third grade and all votes counted by them will be declared to be tainted. Tainted votes must of necessity and by prudent jurisprudence be thrown out. Because of all these legal challenges this case will be taken to the state Court of Appeals, then to the state Supreme Court. Reaching no decision there the case will be taken to the Federal Court of Appeals and then to the Federal Supreme Court where the Justices will rubber stamp the outcome according to which candidate they are pledged to which is the candidate that appointed them.
When all is said and done the new US President will be sworn in 16 months after the election having denied his opponent's transition team the right to transition. However the layers of lawyers will go back to state court, then Federal court, then Supreme Court to assert their right to transition. I submit to you sir that every worthy gentleman should be able to transition if he feels a need to. The will of the Court turned out to be that the lawyers were directed to the transition room where they could transition to their heart's content in whatever manner they deemed appropriate. But wait a minute. Senator Mitch McConnell just received a letter from one of his constituents, little Johnny Harwood, 8 years old. "Dear Mr McConnell, Why couldn't all the votes be counted in one place and the winner decided then and there. One person, one vote. Just think of all the horse manure that could be alleviated if you simply did just that."
