Is Seduction Consensual Sex, or an Unwanted Sexual Advance
by John Lawrence, October 17, 2019
Youth wants to know! In light of the #MeToo movement the rules have changed for men. So now there are new rules unless you want to get into trouble due to your sex life. Rule #1 - Don't cheat on your wife. For all the men who have been accused of unwanted sexual advances, hardly has it been mentioned that mostly they were married and were attempting to cheat on their wives who were really the injured party in these situations which is hardly ever mentioned. Rule #2 - Establish a dating relationship with a woman first before you have sex with her. Then it would be pretty hard for her to accuse you of nonconsensual sex. Most men who are cheating on their wives are not at liberty to establish a normal dating relationahip with a woman. That's why they want to have sex in their office or on the casting couch, anywhere but at their homes where their wives and children are living.
Advice to women. Rule #1 - If you've been raped, file a police report and establish a rape kit. If you don't want to do that, at least make a do-it-yourself rape kit. It was Monica Lewinsky's self administered rape kit in the form of a stained blue dress that nailed Bill Clinton. Rule #2 - Don't wait 20 years to accuse someone of unwanted sexual advances. There's a statute of limitations for everything else. There should be one for sex too. Many women wait until a man becomes rich and powerful to accuse him. If he hadn't attained that status, she probably wouldn't have brought forth accusations against him. Rule #3 - Don't have consensual sex with a man, and then decide the next day that it wasn't consensual. One night stands or relationships that don't continue as expected lead to sour grapes in some situations, and consensual sex in some womens' minds turns into nonconsensual sex soon thereafter.
A man can protect himself from accusations of unwanted sexual advances by establishing a relationship first that is not just a friendship but a relationship in which both parties are in agreement about what they want out of the relationship. In other words what their intentions are. In this way there should be no misreadings or misgivings if both people go into it with the same understanding. If it doesn't work out, at least consensuality will have been established especially if other friends know about the relationship. Some legitimacy for the relationship will have been established no matter what happens in the long run.
Since men have traditionally been the first ones to make advances, sometimes the advances are unwanted. How does the man know ahead of time whether they are unwanted or not? A man needs to read the tea leaves and feel the woman out about what kind of a relationship she does or doesn't want to have. That will minimize misunderstandings. As far as seduction goes, it is not a good idea in the light of the #MeToo movement. In the past it may have been considered a legitimate form of a sexual relationship, at least one in which a woman couldn't accuse a man of unwanted sexual advances the next day, but at the present time, a man cannot be too careful about getting involved especially if he doesn't want to be accused of sexual impropriety.
The more honorable thing to do if a man wants to have sex with someone other than his wife is to have sex with a prostitute. This was Jimmy Van Heusen's (nee Chester Babcock) solution. He was Frank Sinatra's songwriting buddy, composer of "Swinging on a Star," "All the Way," "Come Fly with Me," "Here's That Rainy Day," "Nancy with the Laughing Face" in honor of Frank's daughter, and many more. He was a single man most of his life, and had relationships mostly with prostitutes. During one period, according to biographies of Jimmy and Frank, he would line up a couple of girls in LA for himself and Frank, fly them to Palm Springs to Frank's estate for the weekend and then take them back to LA after the weekend was over. He paid the prostitutes, but didn't have to pay the aspiring starlets. Sex was understood to be part of the deal. No woman ever accused either Frank or Jimmy of unwanted sexual advances.
Suzy Favor Hamilton was a married track star from Wisconsin who ran in 3 Olympics. In 2000, Suzy was the fastest middle distance runner in the world and was named USA Track & Field's Female Distance Runner of the Year. She later became a prostitute in Las Vegas as detailed in her book Fast Girl. She enjoyed it immensely making $600. or more per hour. After the weekend she flew back home to her husband in Wisconsin. She wasn't "trafficed". It was her personal decision. She only quit being a prostitute when someone recognized her as the former track star and exposed her. Then she decided that she did what she did because of a mental condition. After her prostitution became public, the Big Ten renamed its award for Female Athlete of the Year which had previously carried her name.
Well, it's safe to say that some women enter freely into sexual relationships with rich or famous men. Some regret it later when it becomes evident that the job or marriage opportunities they once thought would come their way have vanished. Some become resentful. Women need to be aware that there are a lot of men out there who want to cheat on their wives and take precautions if they don't want to be part of that. Otherwise, c'est la vie.
