National Enquirer CEO Pecker Threatens to Publish Pics of Amazon.com's CEO's Pecker
by John Lawrence
You couldn't make this stuff up, folks. Only in America would a tabloid dirtbag like the National Enquirer blackmail the world's richest man, Jeff Bezos, threatening to expose to the world his private parts unless he stopped an investigation into the National Enquirer. Jeff Bezos has the financial cajones to run the National Enquirer out of business, and I say more power to him. The National Enquirer publishes all the dirt on celebrities appealing to the prurient interests of self-righteous Americans. Most celebrities want to keep the image at least of being upright, honest Americans. Take John Wayne or Henry Fonda, for example. They would be outraged if the National Enquirer published pictures of their dicks.They would lose their upright American fan base.
But Jeff Bezos? He could give a fuck what part of his anatomy the National Enquirer chooses to publish. He's not running for office. It won't erase one zero off his billion dollar fortune, nor will it cause amazon.com to lose one sale. People could care less. Jeff Bezos could care less. Therefore, David Pecker has no hold over Jeff Bezos and his attempt to intimidate, blackmail and extort him so that he won't have the Washington Post, which Bezos owns, do an investigation of the National Enquirer will come to nought. So Bezos should encourage the Washington Post to investigate away, and, if they can put the National Enquirer out of business, good riddance to a paper that will not be missed. In fact the moral landscape of America will be greatly improved if the National Enquirer goes away. We could rest assured that there will be no more pictures of celebrities' junk.
This all came about because Bezos texted a picture of his junk to his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez. Of course Bezos was married to another woman at the time. But when you're the world's richest man, you can afford to have more than one woman at the same time. The sultans had harems with hundreds of women if not thousands. The largest harem in the world belonged to King Tamba of Benaras. The 6th century BCE king’s harem was about the size of a city and housed approximately 16,000 inmates! So Bezos could well afford to start his own harem, but he is probably going to stick to the American formula of marriage, divorce, remarriage, redivorce etc. In other words serial monogamy. It seems that given their druthers, most men would not confine themselves to one woman. Certainly not the President of the United States who famously said, "When you're famous, you can grab them by the pussy." God Bless America.
