States' Rights, Baby: California Defies the Fed'rul Gub'mnt
by John Lawrence
California became a sanctuary state recently. That means that we won't be cooperating with the Federal government to deport Dreamers or anyone else who's not a US citizen. Also marijuana is now legal in California like it is in some other states, but it's not legal according to the Federal government. Bill Maher did a skit using an outrageous southern accent where he recalled the good old days of southern defiance of the Federal government based on states' rights. With a bow to him, I'm here to tell y'all that we believes in pot smokin na'uh, pot smokin tamarrah, pot smokin fawevuh.
I heah that attoiney genal, Jeff Sessions, says that good people don't smoke marijuana. He prably wants y'all ta git back on the ole nicotine cigrittes that makes hisself rich. But ain't no Fed'rul gub'mnt gonna tell us what to do chere in Caliefonia.
And, suh, I'll tell ya sumptin else. We is gonna cwoperate wit China. Ou'uh Gub'nuh, Jerra Brown, is gonna replace the Trumpstuh and woik fuh climate change mitigashun. Yes suh. We is believuhs heah in climate change, and we is gonna do whut we can to get ridda it. Y'all fossil fuel luvuhs in Washingun, ya ain't tellin us what ta believe in. Ya juss want to make the Koch brothers bettuh off than theyuh fabulously wealthy asses already ah.
The Fed'rul gub'mnt even wants ta tell us where we can pee. I say pee wherevuh ya wants ta. Them bathroom rules isn't fer us, ya heah? It don't mattuh whethuh you is transgenduh, or whatevuh the hell you are. LGBTQRS, for all I ca'uh Ya can even pee half way across the Mississippi Rivuh for all Ah ca'uh. Just don' pee on me and don' pee on the gran ole state of Caliefonia.
Yeah, baby, we believe it's states rights na'uh, states' rights tamarrah, states' rights fawevuh. Ain't no Fed'rul gub'mnt gonna tell us whut ta do. We ain't deportin no immigrants eithuh. Y'all can bet on that!
