Oh No! Lake Wobegon Has a Sexual Predator in its Midst
by John Lawrence
Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) has terminated Garrison Keillor, creator of the popular radio show, Prairie Home Companion, due to allegation of improper conduct. Keillor said in an email, "I put my hand on a woman's bare back. I meant to pat her back after she told me about her unhappiness, and her shirt was open and my hand went up it about six inches. She recoiled. I apologized. I sent her an email of apology later and she replied that she had forgiven me and not to think about it. We were friends. We continued to be friendly right up until her lawyer called."
Even Lake Wobegon where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above average is not immune to this kind of sexual predation. Keillor posted on Facebook: "It's astonishing that fifty years of hard work can be trashed in a morning by an accusation. I always believed in hard work and now it feels sort of meaningless. Only a friend can hurt you this badly. I think I have to leave the country in order to walk around in public and not feel accusing glances." Yes, especially in Lake Wobegon where everybody knows everybody's business.
What's next? Some guy accidentally bumps into a woman's boobs in a crowded elevator and gets accused of sexual harassment? Keillor is 75 years old. This seems a little petty. No, a lot petty. I guess you can't even pat a woman on the back any more without being accused of sexual harassment. This is getting worse then communist China where neighbors rat on neighbors or Saudi Arabia where a mere accusation can get you beheaded. So a person can lose their job and their career because of an accusation that they patted a woman on her bare back and their hand slipped. Jeez, I've done worse on accident before, but I'm not a high profile person so there's nothing in it for the woman to hire a lawyer to allege that I'm guilty of sexual misconduct.
Obviously, this woman wants a financial settlement. Why else would she get a lawyer involved? Keillor said: "Anyone who ever was around my show can tell you that I was the least physically affectionate person in the building. Actors hug, musicians hug, people were embracing every Saturday night right and left, and I stood off in a corner like a stone statue. If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me and who slipped an arm around me and let it drift down below the beltline, I'd have at least a hundred dollars." Well, I think this is sexual harassment in reverse, sexual harassment where the woman is the sexual harasser. Slipping her hand down to Keillor's ass is much worse than him patting a woman's bare back above the shirtline. These charges are getting ridiculous.When did this happen? 40 years ago? This is Saudi Arabia with a figurative beheading. A beheading of one's job, career and reputation.
MPR said, "Based on what we currently know, there are no similar allegations regarding other staff." However, attorneys are leading an investigation to see if some woman or women will come out of the woodwork and accuse Keillor too. You never know. There might be some other fortune seekers out there. And attorney fees are mounting up. This has never happened in Lake Wobegon before. Get Guy Noir on the case. All those repressed Norwegians who find it impossible to express any sort of physical affection might just be hiding some unmentionable secrets.